This is my story, of how I found myself. I hope that you might find yourself too. If you have landed on this page first you might like to START as this is a long read. I am a life coach – not a doctor, and this website is all from my own experience of living with chronic pain. I hope that by passing on my knowledge, from the things that I have learned might help you also. As the Dalai Lama said,‘Share your knowledge, It is a way to achieve immortality.’ I am not going to tell you that I am going to heal or fix you and your problems. I am just here for you, as a life guide on your path to increase your enjoyment and decrease your pain and suffering. I am thankful for my pain, the experiences. I am happy where I am today, I hope you share your story along the way. This story has no end, but this is my story so far… I was born in Western Australia, a beautiful part of the world. At 12 years old our family moved to England, and that changed my life. I lost three members of my dad’s family members to cancer, my dad’s father, mother, and brother, all within 4 years. All of this while trying to finish school. I started suffering from crippling panic attacks and anxiety so bad that I would blackout, but I would remain fully conscious; this was happening daily at school. I was being bullied at school. One day, while at the beach with some friends, I was targetted and beaten up by three girls from my year. I was 14 years old at the time. I attempted to walk away. I was pushed and fell backward down a concrete boat ramp with my bully on top of me, while two others kick me. I ended up with three bulging disks in my spine and a broken tailbone that never healed, I kept this a secret for the next 16 years. At 18 years old I was diagnosed with major depression; I was blacking out daily from my body trying to cope. At 22 years old, I found myself in hospital on Christmas day with what I thought was food poisoning. I was quarantined for five days, as I had contracted glandular fever. 3-months later, I became so ill that I was diagnosed with chronic fatigue; I was falling asleep everywhere and sleeping for 15-18 hours a day for nearly 4-months. Not a fun way to live at such a young age, let me tell you. The chronic pain increased, I had no choice but to stop working at 23 years old. I was getting more and more depressed as time went on, taking more medications in an attempt to fix me, I nearly ended up in an early grave. I fell pregnant at 26, Although the best day of my life was meeting my baby girl, the pain was still with me; and I nearly died in childbirth. The medication was hardly helping;and the worst part now was I was a depressed, zombie mum. At 30, I found myself in a toxic marriage and suffering from PND.My daughter was four years old at this point. I decided to go to university to learn as much as I could about myself, my body, and my mind; It took me three years. It was one of my biggest life goals. I ended up with a life coaching degree and graduated with a cap and gown. During this time – a CT showed my tailbone had healed, badly broken, that it was protruding into my bowel and bladder. This caused so many other problems in itself. My body was hurting so much every day, all day. Over the next three years, I was hospitalised for endometriosis – undiagnosed- approx 35 times, left in pain for hrs: to be told it was all in my head. At 30 years old, I had my tail bone removed. A surgery so rare that it took many years to find a surgeon that would consider it. The results were instant, but the recovery was hard;8 weeks of not sitting down and learning to sit down all over again. While I rested, I started to create my path to health and what it meant to me. I listened to podcasts and audiobooks, I binged tv-series, I wrote and I read my little heart out. I had a spiritual awakening on the bathroom floor. Becoming new is messy. I started treating me as a person that needed my love and attention. It only seemed fitting; helping others is my favorite thing to do; helping myself was my least favorite thing to do. It was time to put myself first!! I was listening and awake NOW. Sorry, body. So at 31, I got divorced, got rid of the toxic people in my life. I was later diagnosed with PTSD. I had been trying to explain my pain was real for years approx 10, but it wasn’t until the fourth surgery, that they found out it was endometriosis stage 4. So at 33, I had a hysterectomy and was diagnosed with PMDD – premenstrual dysphoric disorder. Finally, I had some relief. My pain is now managed with CBD and THC oils through a compound pharmacy in Australia and registered with TGA. This was not the first step I had tried, but I wish it was. I would have saved myself a lot of time and effort. These are things I can’t live without now for my pain. List page here In Australia, the medical system sees CBD, mindfulness, and meditation as last-ditch efforts to help very sick and unwell people. (Read more about that here). I had to learn to love and care for myself in a new way because no one was coming to save me. I had to save myself. I struggled to love and care for a body that caused me so much pain every day. Although now I understand that if I didn’t heal myself, then the only other option was to give up and even that was no longer an option. Lucky for me, I met my soul mate one Valentine night and all the work I had done on myself now reflects back to me. So I started to learn about holistic medicine and started finding others to teach me to heal the trauma that was stored in my body, causing my pain, and to help me release my old trauma. As I released the pain that I was holding on to, I started to become myself; a self that I had to dream up and start from scratch. Trying to figure out who I was without pain, was harder than being in pain. I dug as deep as I could, to find the parts of me that I didn’t know existed, the parts that needed me, the parts I left behind. Healing happens when you can let go, and letting go is not easy, but it is incredibly worth it. I didn’t give up on myself and this was where my life started to change. Here are some of the things I have tried over the years… MassageOsteopathyChiropracticPhysiotherapyPsychologyLife CoachingSeminarsMindfulnessMediationPain clinics and specialists that have waitlists 1-2 years long.Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT)Emotional freedom technic (EFT) – lookup brad yates on youtubeNeurolinguistics programming (NLP)Muscular skeletal massageCT guided injections.HypnosisAcupunctureMagnesium deprivation tank floatEnergy clearingReikiYOGA – in bedMeditationTherapeutic applied percussion (T.A.P)Sound bowl healings… I still do most of these now for self-care and will for the rest of my life because this isn’t a ‘quick fix’ or a ‘magic potion…’ If this was what you wanted, you have come to the wrong place. The things that helped me the most are self-care items; things that YOU love doing. At 34, At the beginning of 2020, my father passed away. I flew back to England alone for a month to be there with him. I knew I had healed; when I was able to be fully present with my dying father and hold the space for him, so he wasn’t scared and alone. It was the most important lesson in my life to date and one I will treasure for the rest of my life. I have no secrets to help you, that’s your job. Love and care for yourself daily and see what happens. Keep it simple, slow, and intentional. Love yourself by weaving the magic of things you love to do into your being, Make these things a part of who you are; Make a life commitment to yourself, you are not just a moon phase. You deserve to give yourself that. You can read and learn and that’s great; If you’re not actioning it, nothing is ever going to help you. I see wellness as an improvement as something everyone can achieve; regardless of their financial status. I’ve done this all on a very tight budget FOR 18 YEARS and I have found solutions through books and in the most incredible places through some wonderful teachers. Over time, I will share with you how I did each of them. This is why I started writing. To explain self love, I’ll use the metaphor that your body is like a car. As you know, a car can not run well without a team of people helping it to work. A car needs oil to run smoothly (massage/osteopath etc.) Good steering (guidance and goals)- In the right direction to get you to where you want to go Petrol (good food) to make it run welland a firm road to drive on (direction) and a safe place to park it at night. Tune-ups too, just like us. I want you to know that you are not alone because the person you need the most is YOU. If you are not there for yourself, then you can not expect others to be there for you. How are they expected to love you if you don’t know how to first? Make yourself your number one priority. I have now come out the other side, a lot stronger, healthier, happier, free from a lot of my pain and suffering; not all of it but enough for it to not rule me. I am going to continue to learn and to educate myself;you should too, you might just. FIND.YOURSELF.